zen

So I had this awesome post almost all ready to go on why the Palm Zire 72 was the ultimate GTD PDA.

(So have any of you noticed just how many of my blog posts I start out with "so"?

Yeah. Insecure conversational opener or subtle humanization harmonic?

I don't know either.)

And then - horror of horrors - I dropped it. Well, actually I was reaching onto the top of the fridge where my "ditty-unload" box sits (you know - where guys dump wallet, keys, knives, various other "guy stuff" when they walk in the door) Where was I? Oh yeah - reaching up to get something out of the ditty box. Tugged on my wallet and POP, out flies the zire. Does a triple gainer with a half twist and lands SMACK, screen down on the floor.

I just stood there, shocked.

No, I prayed. Please God. Let my Zire be alive.

Alas, the screen (though visibly unscarred) suffered enough trauma that all I get now are lines. A $20 round-trip to the PDA doctor confirmed that, while there may not be a visible crack, a new screen "fixed" the problem. (and would be $90) Given a whole new PDA could be had for $100ish, I elected to simply, quietly, bury it.

And then I began to think... ("Began to think", says you, "you mean you hadn't done so up until this point?!!") Well, yes and no.

You see...when I had it, I felt compelled to keep it close to me, always. Heaven forbit I have a thought, a brilliant flash of insight, and not have a way to record it in all it's digital glory for generations after me. I wanted efficiency ~ if I had a thought in the car or when falling asleep, I wanted it captured and filed with a quick voice memo. (no comment on the coherence of sleepy-time memos...) Brainstormed pages of notes or whiteboards were captured in grainy-but-readable form easily with the 1.3mpix integrated camera. And while the IR keyboard I bought off ebay had issues (short circuit and IR interference) a bluetooth keyboard would have facilitated the rapid flow of thoughts from fingers forever-archives had I been so inclined. The G2 screen protector improved handwriting recognition a bit, but also provided for a bullet-proof, scratch-proof crystal-clear protection.

I was on cloud 8.75. There was, to be sure, the niggling problem that the power-button was best operated by a three-year-old. (too damn tiny!) And the hard-case was near-to-useless for constant use if you wanted to use the (covered up) voice memo button.

But there were other, subtler problems. Not related to design, layout, or functionality. They were...well, they were all about me. I began to be anxious. I wanted it with me all the time, because what would happen if I were without it? Without it, I might miss that all-important "gonna make me millions" idea in the car. (gone in subsequent microsecond as my primitive brain skips gears to puzzle out the "MNKEBUS" licence plate ahead..)

I started to worry. Worry that I'd break it. Lose it. The kids would step on it. Not all-consuming nail-biting fear mind you, just an almost constant disquiet in the back of my mind.

And it sucked. I felt like, on some quiet, low level, I was now a slave to the machine.

And when it took that tumble - I kid you not - in that brief microsecond of "awwwww sh##" there was an odd feeling of...relief. I'd just killed about $200 worth of pda, but I was free.

I no longer had find it before leaving for work.

No more double-checking on the charge every night.

Fearing it'd tumble out of my unbuttoned shirt pocket when I bent over to flush.


By now some of you are doubtless saying "Geez! This guy needs to get OUT more. Have you talked to anyone about your obsessive/compulsive tendancies?!!"

Yes, and the therapist says I'm making great progress when I take my pills.

Remember, none of these were life-consuming obsessions. None of the feelings were overwhelming, day-controlling, or even really consious. It is in retrospect I realize they were there.

And in so realizing, I came to the conclusion that:
1.) I was somehow hoping that the PDA itself would organize me.
2.) The organization given by the pda was offset by never having anything close to a "mind like water". As a matter of fact, I more often wondered "should I grab a video on this for the kids? Do I need to find something to rotate my mp3's?! What if I drop it? I really need to find a good word editor so I can take notes..."
3.) I was mentally hobbling myself when/if I didn't have it.

Yup. I'm one mixed up stress-puppy. But I'm getting better.

I'm going back to my original paper PDA. I think. In combination with an online component so I've got things archived and searchable online. I'm thinking of gmail using GTD paired with a hipster. Or something like that.

I'll keep you posted.